My split personalities have been playing a vicious game of marco-polo. Marco is currently winning by a landslide! Pretty sure Polo is lost or trying to drive himself of a cliff… again! Recently, I have found myself in a conversation or habit and wondered “who are you and how did you get here”. And when I take a closer look at these behaviors, I long for a sabbatical to find myself.
But, finding one’s self is like chasing after thunder or trying to catch a cloud and pin it down (I feel a song coming on). I HATE the term finding yourself… it’s just the grown-up terminology for running away, avoiding, or not liking the color of your big-girl panties! When someone tells me she’s on a journey to find herself, my immediate response is “Oh honey!” envisioning a hyperactive puppy continuously running in circles, naively chasing that illusive tail. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!
Here’s why … You’re not dead yet. You are a living, breathing organism. You are constantly changing and growing. You may not recognize who you are and the scenery of your environment, but you are not lost. You are who you are by choices and consequences. Especially, as a Christian. You’re never going to find yourself! Soooo… STOP looking for yourself and take a look AT yourself. If you don’t like what you see, change.
I am not the same person I was 10 years ago, 5 years ago, last year or even last week. And when I’m overwhelmed with the desire to find myself, I know it’s time to get with Jesus and take look AT myself in the mirror that is grace, and strap on my cowgirl boots. I am not lost, I am on my tour of sanctification.
James 1:22-24 “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.”